Friday, March 03, 2006

Something about food

I enjoy eating. Because of that, I learned to cook. But one of my life's greatest ironies is that the more time I pu into cooking, the less I want to eat what I have made. Today, I made a whole pot of shredded pork, and I barely had a tupperware container large enough for all the leftovers.

But the act of cooking is something like meditating. No, that's overblowing it. But it is relaxing and satisfying when it doesn't taste like hell. Like oversalted, freezerburned hell. I like it to be a bit freeform and improvisational. I could be totally pretentious and say it's like jazz--but I won't. It's more like Whose Line Is It Anyway? The improvisations aren't that innovative, and the main goal is to be pleasant and inoffensive. The biggest risk I took was to pour in a couple shots of Jack Daniels. I probably should have used a couple more shots...

Anyway, I was thinking about writing some of my better improvs down for future mutations. I've done it once, on MM, so for now, I'll repeat myself. I'll try not to do that too often.

Okay, here's the recipe for the chicken that's in the oven right now:

First take out the chicken you've had in the freezer but no time to cook. Do this yesterday. When you've caught up with all the MM forum posts, play one more round of Random Photo Fun Roulette, and wash your hands. Butterfly the chicken and save the backbone and gibblets in you bag of parts for future stock use. Wish that you had the time or energy to have marinated or brined the chicken, but don't worry about it too much.

Take the last teaspoon or two from the salt cellar and mix it with some black pepper and Chinese Five Spice. Maybe some thyme. Rub this mix under the breast and thigh skin, as well as everywhere on the outside, but don't use it all. Slice an onion and spread the rings out on a 9x12 glass baking dish. Place the chicken in the dish and pour the rest of the bottle of red wine that no one finished at your last party. 'Cause who drinks so much wine at a party?

Put the chicken in the oven, which you preheated without me telling you to do, right? Like 350, but you can't be sure because the numbers on the dial have worn off.

Take the rest of the spice rub and add enough soy sauce to douse a whole lot of rice. Add a similar amount of honey and a smaller amount of worsterchire sauce. Every 10-15 minutes, pour some of this sauce on the chicken. If you have a flavor injector and aren't too lazy to wash it afterwards, use it.

Cook it all the way through. Sal and Ernie ain't no good dinner guests. Eat it. Enjoy.

If you don't like it, don't blame me. You probably did something wrong.
And now a moment of silence for Random Photo Fun. I miss those days.


At 11:06 PM, Blogger dexter riley said...

Ha, I'm glad to see somebody else remembers "Sal Monella and Ernie Germ" from the old food safety public service announcements of my youth!


Post a Comment

<< Home